Be a good kid — from generation to generation, this warning stays unchanged as it sums up the expectation that adults have towards children. Many explanations on the meaning of "good kids" have been made as a way to shape a child's path in life, and it seems that society has formed some kind of consensus on this definition.
A display at the entrance of It’s Painful Being Children exhibition.
But does "good" really mean what we think it does?
"It's Painful Being Children" is the main exhibition that is part of the 43rd National Book Fair and 13th International Book Fair 2015, which runs until April 6. Last October, the National Book Expo made a buzz with "Recalling Past Lives/Nation Through Textbooks", which examined the concept of nationalism through prescribed reading. This time, the fair continues to probe how certain attitudes are instilled in the young through words, sentences and mottos handed down by authority figures.
"Be a good kid — but 'good' is a relative word as it can hardly define the meaning on its own, but relies on the experiences that individual has," explained Suchart Sawasdsri, writer, editor and National Artist in literature, who helped design the exhibition.
"Good for one may be different from others. So as the word doesn't have a fixed meaning, I think we should leave a question mark after the words 'good kid' to let children define it on their own. I don't want the question mark to disappear from either kids or adults, this should be an open-ended thought."
"It's Painful Being Children" is simple in its set-up though its implications are complex. The exhibition, set amid the frenzy of the book fair, is made up of a compilation of quotes and excerpts — 30 in all — culled from books and official mottos. All of them were selected by Suchart, and they are divided into three areas: family, children and society. Suchart didn't have fixed criteria, but picked the quotes based on his own experiences. In his selection he tried to cover various eras and sources of those words that he believe define, or dictate, the way children grow up in society.
The central theme, as the title suggests, is pain, especially the pain felt by most children caused by the weight of their parents' expectation.
For instance, a quote from Chai Pa Luang, a story by Sri Daoraung, reads: "Mother, when I'm ordained as a monk, do I have to stay at this temple?" This simple exchange demonstrates the belief that a young man has to become a monk in order to provide spiritual refuge to his mother in the next life — a concept held by most Thais, and that pushes the burden of salvation to the son.
In an excerpt from Klong Klon Khong Kru Thep from 1942, a short poem reminds a child to be grateful for his mother's love. It is a touching poem, but it also stresses the bond that cannot be broken and that a child is destined to be "good" towards its parents.
A paradox in society is that adults live with the expectation that the next generation will somehow improve the quality of life, make the country a better place, and thus the responsibility rests with the child to carry it out, said Suchart. At the same time, imperfect adults try to steer their children with a mindset that is not very effective. "We're stuck in a loop where illusion of goodness blurs the sense of reality."
"Child is the father of the man," says Charan Homtienthong, president of the Publishers and Booksellers Association of Thailand (Pubat), organiser of the book fair. "But what do adults plan for the future? It seems like they try to offer them opportunities, probably not with generosity but as an obligation."
"Many times, kids are pushed and forced with adults' thoughts, experiences and attitudes," says Prabda Yoon, exhibition director. "They then put pressure on children as they expect kids to get good grades, be good adults and take good care of the country."
One obvious example of society's expectation towards children is reflected in the Children's Day mottos, and many of them are displayed in the exhibition. Annually since 1956, the government, though the prime minister, announces a Children's Day's motto, which is repeated by schools. So far, 57 mottos have been issued and they are repetitive, with words such as "good" and "virtue" being recycled as keywords. ("Knowledge and virtue lead you to the future," was this year's motto).
"Let's count how many times we can spot the word 'good' in the official motto and how it has been redefined over the years," says Charan.
"After reading the motto, adults today can probably look back on their childhood and realise something different from when they were kids," adds Prabda.
Besides the text, the exhibition offers a visual interpretation of its theme. The organiser invited teenaged illustrators to share their experience of pain through artwork. One picture shows a red-faced girl who is embarrassed by wearing the wrong uniform to school — a nightmare for Thai students. Another one shows a boy trying in vain to reach an ice cream cone because he is short.
Others try to capture the weight of a parent's expectation that points out the same thing: a vestige of the emotional pain during childhood is still felt as one grows up into a teenager, or even an adult. But the exhibition isn't all about showing the conservative mind-shaping or festering old wounds. Some of the excerpts suggest a possible solution or a way to liberate oneself from the inevitable pain of growing up. A culture of reading, as the exhibition suggests, allows children to expose themselves to different ideas.
Another poem by the legendary Kru Thep reads: "School subjects haven't been updated, maybe it's good to burn some of the textbooks..."
Meanwhile, Suchart believes the verse that best sums up the idea of the exhibition is one by Kahlil Gibran.
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls..."
This excerpt from House of Tomorrow, from the book The Prophet, shows that, according to Suchart, "the life of children belongs to no one else but themselves". And books are their refuge.
"Through reading, kids can find that they can develop something other than the thoughts inherited from adults," says Prabda. "In other words, books help children discover a whole new world."
As the exhibition is a part of a book fair, the main purpose is to persuade people to read, but that is not the only point.
"I have found that books have special powers to teach people without preaching to them," says Suchart. "I hope that children will go buy a book if they're inspired by any of the quotes. For adults, I hope that they will think back to the time when they were children and understand the message of this exhibition."
"If children's pain hasn't been healed, they will grow up as repressed adults," concludes Prabda.
Children are encouraged to define their own meaning of 'good kid'.
