Reports that some Thai students in New Zealand are being advised to change their nicknames to help facilitate "smoother cultural integration" prompted considerable reaction in Thailand.
However, this move was not quite as heavy-handed as might appear and was merely a suggestion. It is simply to help Thai newcomers to avoid suffering unnecessary grief from small-minded people making fun of names like Porn, Pee and Poo.
In fact, it works both ways as some English names sound equally silly to Thai ears.
The prevailing use of nicknames is an appealing aspect of Thai culture. I probably know more Thais by their nickname than their real name.
Given shortly after children are born, nicknames often reflect their smallness. That's why Lek, Noi, Nid and Toi, all meaning small or tiny, are very common.
Of course, kids grow up and sometimes it feels a bit incongruous that a large, strapping young fellow is called Lek or Noi.
Then you can get an attractive lady who answers to the name of Moo (pig) or Noo (mouse). Likewise you will meet normal-sized people called Chang (elephant) or Ouan (fatty).
Other kids are named after what are regarded as cute things, such as Gratai (rabbit) and Tukatar (doll). One common nickname is Gop (frog), though I am not entirely sure why.
A reader told me that his wife of Indian origin was nicknamed Gop by her Thai friends. The couple's landlord kindly put up a sign outside their house in the village that read Ban Khun Gop (Mrs Frog's House).
The right recipe
Someone who had no problem with her "funny" nickname and even turned it to her advantage is Saiyuud Diwong, an inspiring young woman and former street vendor from the Klong Toey slum in Bangkok.
Nicknamed Poo, an abbreviation of chompoo (rose apple), she runs a Thai cooking school in the slum supported by the Urban Neighbours of Hope charity.
In her occasional meetings with Westerners, she noticed that her nickname always seemed to create a few titters.
So when she brought out a cookery book, it was entitled Cooking with Poo.
The title turned out to be a masterstroke. It won an international award in 2012 issued by the English literary magazine Bookseller for the book with the oddest title.
People in England unfamiliar with Thai nicknames were particularly amused by the title, however immature their thinking might be.
For the curious, runners-up to the grand prize were the gripping Estonian Sock Patterns All Around the World and the thought-provoking Memoirs of a Japanese Chicken Sexer.
Celebrity chef
Word soon went out that Poo's book was not just a quirky title but also contained essential tips on Thai cooking and it has become a big seller. It even attracted the attention of British celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who invited Poo onto his television programme, prompting assorted "Jamie Cooks With Poo" headlines in the English tabloids.
She admitted to the Bangkok Post that she had never heard of Oliver but had a "fun" time on his show by making a massaman curry, which the chef confirmed was delicious.
The ensuing publicity means that her business, Cooking With Poo and Friends in Klong Toey, has enjoyed a great boost. She's working on a new book and you can be sure the name Poo will be quite prominent.
Dish to remember
Speaking of Thai food, confusion related to names prompted a most entertaining correction in The New York Times some years ago.
An American food writer attended a Thai buffet and scribbled down notes about the dishes, and received assistance concerning the food from Thai students, whose names he noted down among the recipes.
In his report, the journalist gave a favourable review of the buffet and praised one dish as being particularly delicious.
A few days after publication, a correction in the newspaper explained that the item praised by the reviewer "was not a dish served at the buffet but rather the name of a student from Thailand attending the buffet".
From Huge to Zero
Fortunately, in Thailand everyone uses first names or nicknames. Otherwise, we would be in real trouble.
However, many foreigners still hear their names pronounced in a uniquely Thai manner.
If your name is George, you are probably no stranger to being called Jaws, while anyone with the name of Hugh has to accept he will simply go by Huge when in Thailand.
Almost inevitably, Jerry becomes Jelly and, if your name is Julian, you are likely stuck with Durian and the associated jokes that come with that.
Most people named Chris have at some time been called Kiss, while Bruce may have to put up with Brute.
All Mikes will be familiar with Mi, while Bills are at home with Bin.
However, if your name is Vince, don't get upset by being greeted with Wince.
A reader recounted the tale of a friend called Cyril who was invited to a dinner party in Bangkok.
The thoughtful hosts even put everyone's name on the table to identify seating arrangements.
Cyril couldn't find his name anywhere until there was just one seat left.
In Cyril's place was the name … Zero.
Having said this, foreigners must thank Thai people for being so tolerant as we pronounce Thai names horribly wrong every day without hearing a word of complaint … except maybe from our wives.
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