It's almost that day of the month when it's perfectly acceptable - even encouraged - to spend money for the possibility of getting lucky. Yes, Valentine's Day is looming much to the delight of couples who need a special occasion to break out of their dry spell, while lonely single folk are probably honouring Feb 14 by throwing a "Happy Four Days After Chinese New Year" party.
Whether you choose to celebrate by eating chocolates bestowed upon you by your lover, or eating chocolates you sent to yourself because your looks and personality prevent you from having a lover, one thing is for sure: Don't come to Thailand looking for cheap romantic thrills because you won't find it here.
You see, for some completely absurd reason, people falsely think of Thailand as being a place filled with prostitutes that roam freely in the wild. I have no idea why Thailand has acquired this reputation, because I know for a fact that the women standing on the street corner are exchanging stock tips, and the females who are topless in a bar simply cannot find shirts that fit them.
How do I know this? Well, duh, the conventional rhetoric that has been ingrained in us is that Thailand is a conservative Buddhist country where nothing scandalous ever happens because we are the most moral people ever. After all, "Spicy" isn't an after-hours nightclub to pick up easy women; it's how we like to eat our food.
Despite this, Thailand's alleged indecent image was recently mocked on an episode of Saturday Night Live. The American late-night TV show parodied a commercial for the Rosetta Stone language learning programme, which showed foreign men expressing interest in learning suggestive Thai phrases.
The video, which was uploaded to YouTube, features foreigners saying Thai phrases like, "How much?", "Is that for the whole night?", "How can I take off your clothes?", "Oh my god, what have I done?", "Ping pong ball" and "I need to speak with the American embassy."
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds innocent enough. I mean, surely these phrases can be applied to any situation, from playing a round of golf to going on a boat ride down the Chao Phraya, right? Isn't that why visitors come here anyway?
However, the almighty Ministry of Culture doesn't share my interpretation, and is very upset that this video is available for the world to see. In fact, the government wants this clip removed from YouTube and will "also tell the US embassy the spoof is tarnishing Thailand's image and will ask it to explain this to Saturday Night Live's producer," reported the Bangkok Post, citing Cultural Minister Sonthaya Khunploem.
The Culture Ministry's (over)reaction leaves me very confused. If the conventional rhetoric continues to state that Thailand is a conservative Buddhist country where nothing scandalous ever happens because we are the most moral people ever, then what image of Thailand is being tarnished?
Ohhhhh.
So that's what the women standing on the street corner and the topless females in the bar are doing? Boy, don't I feel silly! And all this time I thought the women saying "Hey, you sexy man" were just innocently handing out compliments to passersby.
Prostitution is illegal in Thailand (although you'd never know it), and this is a separate issue that must be addressed. But once again, the government has its head buried in the sand to deny the fact that people do come here to bury their heads somewhere else.
How can the government cry foul on an issue that is very much prevalent in some parts of Thailand when they haven't even done anything to regulate or tackle it? It almost seems as if having Saturday Night Live call them out on the sex industry is a reminder that they have been completely incompetent on the issue, so that's why they're getting pissed in response. This brings a certain word to mind; umm, I think it's something like "hippo", "hippocrates"... oh wait, "hypocrisy".
Instead of trawling the web looking for "offensive" content, maybe the government can actually step outside their artificially constructed version of Thailand for a moment. Then they'll see that some people do come here to spend money for the possibility of getting lucky - and not just on Valentine's Day.G