I love Thailand. It's truly the Land of Smiles. This was especially true of the front-page news last week describing the bungled casino raid by detectives and policemen from Tao Pun Police Station on the infamous Tao Pun casino.
Reading the front page was funnier than watching Mr Bean. It was a case of ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing), to use internet-speak.
Just in case you woke up late last Monday and didn't have a chance to read the front page of the Bangkok Post before your maid used it as doggy litter, it was all about the raid by 50 detectives on the well-fortified casino. After a week in planning, they climbed rooftops of neighbouring houses to get in through the roof vent. The entire clientele were caught red-handed, but no arrests could be made since the back-up team of 150 police, in full riot gear, never made it to the premises, having been pelted by the locals with the sticks and stones.
A number of police were wounded in action, either by flying projectiles or from falling off the roof.
These are 200 of the city's finest, following a carefully devised plan.
ROTFL.
To add insult to injury, the casino had been raided two years ago and its ownership was frozen by the Anti-Money Laundering Office. Not that it means very much, but it has taken two years for Tao Pun police to realise that there were at least 100 cars visiting the casino a day, and deduce that something fishy must be going on.
According to our favourite casino whistle-blower, Chuwit Kamolvisit, Tao Pun casino is arguably one of the most highly fortified casinos in Bangkok, and pictures taken of the interior and exterior indicate just so. Barbed wire strewn all over neighbouring houses, metal doors and iron spikes probably make it more difficult to enter than Khlong Prem prison.
That, and the fact that they operate in a sympathetic neighbourhood. I'm pretty sure the casino owners must have gone around with a basket of home-baked muffins every now and then to gain such loyalty. Anyway, this lightning raid took all of 10 minutes, but yielded absolutely nothing except a lesson in what-not-to-do-when-raiding-a-casino that police cadets will have to study for many years hence to pass their mid-term exams.
The next day, the local community threatened to sue the police for destroying their property: broken roof tiles, even a compressor that was dislodged by some misplaced footing. It somehow brings to mind the rooftop chases in all those 007 films.
I'm sure that more than a few roof tiles were broken each time. They must have provided a bit of inspiration for this sting operation, but the police probably forgot to take into consideration that 007 had a production crew behind him, and a significantly larger budget than a year's worth of roadblocks could ever yield.
It does make you wonder though. Being the second raid within a couple of years, could the Thai police force be so naive as to underestimate the strength of the fortress-like casino, and the loyalty of the surrounding community?
Could a squad of riot police be repelled so easily by some vendors in vests and shorts swinging sticks and throwing stones and hot water or whatever they could grab hold of? I would really like to say I have more faith in the Royal Thai Police than that. Really.
So back to Mr Chuwit. He suggested that this raid targeted this toughest of casinos because of its political affiliations. He has tipped the police off on many a city casino, and each time no arrests have been made. Often the police couldn't find the location, and by the time they did there was nothing left but an empty hall and a still dripping air conditioner. We must sympathise with the police, I say. Bangkok is not exactly a well-planned city and addresses aren't always logical. Just last week a friend was looking for a house number 70-plus in a Thong Lor sub-soi. A local security guard wasn't much help since he didn't have a clue about directions. So my friend continued on his way, feeling more and more desperate and lost as the house numbers increased rapidly to 200-plus-plus.
Then, out of the blue, was the house he was looking for, a 70-plus among all those 200 pluses. Now, how do you logically explain that series of house numbers? No wonder the police couldn't find the casino even after the hints given by Mr Chuwit that were just short of "checking in" on Facebook or providing the link for Google Maps.
So there are three conclusions. The police don't have a clue what they're doing. There is too much at stake to make any arrests, and raids are just for show. It's politically motivated. Whatever the reason, it hasn't shown our city's finest in the finest light.
It might have inspired Mr Bean though.
Usnisa Sukhsvasti is the Features Editor of the Bangkok Post.